The behavior traffic light can be used to gain insight but also to enhance areas that improve mental health. One area of insight has to do with resiliency – if you’re concerned about your child’s resiliency, helping him or her build capacity for meeting challenges can help. You can help your child learn to have an accurate perception of the problem and a helpful interpretation of the necessary problem-solving steps.

Behavior traffic light activities can help children learn when it is best to go, slow or stop. For example, frequently reviewing the colors in different situations can help children rehearse important skills such as paying attention to relevant information, following a decision-making process, and/or activating a problem-solving plan. This process is important because, as usual, when referring to human experiences, they are a matter of perception. Situations hold different opportunities for each individual to use the behavior traffic light for finding insights and areas for improvement.

Each of the individual colors has a meaning related to going, slowing or stopping. Here is a brief overview for the colors in this behavior traffic light metaphor. (More in-depth posts for each color will follow in the future.)

Red: Stop
Valuable insight for this color is in the form of cultivating the perception that red is important due to safety issues. Also, its purpose is to send a message of protection. Red words typically communicate boundaries: “This is okay, but stop that because that is not okay.” The color red signals an alarm, heightens alertness and activates protective factors. Red light words are statements that include “no,” “not,” “don’t,” “can’t,” “quit,” and “stop” directives.

To enhance mental health, use red light words as little as possible. Reserve these red color phrases only for the purpose of immediate safety and protection issues. In other words, red color phrases activate a fight, flight or freeze response. Ask yourself, “Is this the color I want to use to cultivate child followership?”

Yellow: Slow
Valuable insight for this color is in the form of cultivating the perception that yellow is important to meeting the brain’s need for feel-good hormones. The electrical and chemical processes would then help the person to stay fully active in both thinking and feeling processes. The purpose of yellow in this metaphor is to reinforce a message of confidence in one’s abilities to make the connections between what is happening with thinking, feeling, and behavior choices. The use of this color typically comes in the form of a question to prompt the child to slow down and think. The color yellow in the behavior traffic light heightens awareness of thought patterns and activates a list of choices in doing something in response.

To enhance mental health, use yellow light words as much as possible. The purpose is to communicate choices and/or strategic questions through statements that provoke the brain’s fill-in-the-blank processes. For example, insert a lingering sing-song phrase before continuing a sentence and it helps open attention for the receiver. For example, “Ohhh…is that a calm voice to talk about a disagreement?” In other words, use Yellow color phrases to activate the thinking brain. Ask yourself, “Is this the color I want to use to cultivate child followership?”

Green: Go
Valuable insight for this color is in the form of cultivating the perception that green is important to growth in the physical, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual domains. In addition, its purpose is to promote child development into adulthood and beyond. The use of green light words typically comes in the form of “can do” statements such as, “Feel free to…” and “You’re welcome to…” The color green in the behavior traffic light heightens motivation and activates imagination, creativity and wonder.

To enhance mental health, use green light words as the back-up if a yellow phrase is not readily available. This way of speaking highlights what you want to happen – the expected behavior. Expressions may come in the form of statements that include the “when/then” phrase, emphasis on cause and effect and self-determination type of options. For example, “When your room is clean, then you can play outside,” points the focus on the child’s response rather than the adult’s reaction in the situation. Ask yourself, “Is this the color I want to use to cultivate child followership?”

Also, green color words can replace red color words, i.e., find a way to say “no” by saying “yes.” “No,” is typically followed by the fill-in-the-blank answer to the question of “Because why?” Green color words are typically communicated as “Yes,” and then followed with by the answer to the question of “Under what conditions?” Several teaching moments exist to invest in internal motivation issues. In other words, use green color phrases to activate the whole brain.

“No because” – a reason why the child can’t
“Yes under these conditions” – clear expected behavior

Just as there are automobile safety features, choice of car makers, and advancements in efficiency, the analogy applies to human psychosocial functions of thinking, feeling and doing. There are many other parallels between traffic lights and the behavior traffic light. For example, the lights must work in rhythm with each other; one direction may have a red light while the opposite direction has a green light. Yet, as with all metaphors, they only stretch so far. More specifically, a traffic light for cars moves from green, to yellow to red, and back to green. Beyond this metaphor, behavior moves from red to yellow to green with a preference for staying in the yellow zone as much as possible. Yellow words reinforce thinking for problem solving. Children can use the lessons of go, slow and stop to learn the social rules of the road while navigating the environment. The behavior traffic light is another way of investing in children.

In the overall theme of the behavior traffic light, the purpose of the red light is to cultivate the perception that red is important due to safety issues. Adults use red light words to send a message of caution. When a person is using the red light in their behavior traffic light, it is as if they are on alert and using fight, flight or freeze defense mechanisms. There are healthy and highly valued effects of activating the red light, detrimental effects can happen if the red light stays on too long.

Healthy red light examples:

• “We stay safe by playing in the yard.”
• “Check the label for ingredients so that we know this is safe.”
• “I care about you, so please buckle up.”

The above examples show how to phrase red light communication so that it sounds as much like choice as possible. It helps children to see how their own behavior keeps them safe. However, there are times when the explicit “No,” is required – keep the “no” clearly linked to the potential safety issues. Although “stop” “don’t” “quit” and “can’t” phrases are red light words, children are more receptive if we keep the message about using our adult power to serve.

Additional healthy red light examples:

• “No, we keep the crayons out of our mouths.”
• “No, we must go home before late night driving begins.”
• “Stop; it is glass and could break.”

The use of red typically comes in the form of boundaries: what is okay and what is not okay. Red in the behavior traffic light heightens alertness and activates protective factors in the realms of thinking, feeling and doing. Adults want to cultivate a healthy respect for boundaries so that the child makes safe choices on his or her own. Yet, if the red light is overused, misused or abused, there can be detrimental effects. Rather than perceiving a red light as a safety problem that needs to be solved, children can interpret it as “trouble” related. For example, when asking children about the purpose of the red light, how do they answer? If they answer “So you don’t wreck” it may indicate the child associates boundaries with safety. If they answer “So you don’t get a ticket” may indicate the child associates boundaries with getting in trouble.

Hence, a repeat of caution about the use of red light words: only for safety reasons. We want children to respond to danger with problem solving that will result in safety. Children will, otherwise, perceive Red light words as an attempt to veto their power to make choices. Such a perception automatically activates the defense mechanisms of fight, flight or freeze. Control loss could look like fight: overtly pushing in to over control. Control loss could look like flight: covertly pulling back to under control. Control loss could look like freeze: stunned in place to conserve what little control is left.

Unhealthy red light examples:

• “Don’t play with your food.”
• “You can’t sit in the chair like that.”
• “Quit playing your game and do your homework.”

When anyone feels like they are in a power struggle, defense mechanisms are activated. Rather than responding with ability, children may default to reacting with revenge to keep as much control as possible. In other words, when you talk to kids in NOTs, it ties them up inside because their minds perceive a threat of loss of control. This kind of alarm hijacks the brain until it goes through the process of fight, flight or freeze. Children will be spending more time looking like they are being naughty instead of operating in the green zone.

Therefore, I say, “Nots turn into knots turn into naughties.” So, remember to use your green light words!

In the overall theme of the behavior traffic light, the purpose of the green light is to cultivate the perception that we have a choice throughout many important parts of daily living. Adults use green light words to convey freedom of choice. When a person is using the green light in their behavior traffic light, healthy, safe and happy effects are predictable. Children need to become accustomed to what is in the green zone.
Healthy green light examples:

• “Feel free to go to your friend’s house when your homework is done.”
• “You’re welcome to watch television when the chores are done.”
• “I’ll be glad to give you a snack once the laundry is put away.”

The above examples show how to phrase green light communication so that your request sounds as much like choice as possible. It helps children to see how behavior choices are ever-present. Green and red light words show us how we share control through choices. Adults who use “No” because of a particular reason (based on controlling power) can provoke a negative reaction in children. Rather, help adults can find a way to say “no” by saying “YES” under conditions.

Red light: No (The adult has all the control)
Green light: Yes (The adult shares the control with when/then statements)

Red Light Words
No you can’t go to the ball game because your room is a disaster!
You can’t have dessert because you didn’t eat all of your dinner.
You won’t be going to your friend’s house because you didn’t do all your chores.
 
Green Light Words
You are welcome to go to the ball game when your room is clean.
When you finish all your dinner then you can have dessert.
Feel free to go to your friend’s house when all your chores are done.

The interesting thing about green light words and cultivating child followership: compound interest! Just like a savings account rewards for depositing new funds, children are like a bank. They build up resiliency and the ability to cope with stress when they are used to using their green light. If adults are consistent in offering acceptable options to problem solving, children will follow along expecting that they, too, can figure things out

As summer approaches and our children are drawn outside into the sunshine once again, protecting our children from sunburn is key. Now more than ever, sun protection matters. Episodic sunburns during childhood and adolescence have been shown to increase the lifetime risk of melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer. In addition, sunburns hurt! Three ways to help your children avoid sunburn include sun avoidance, protective clothing and sunscreen. Try the tips below!

Sun avoidance

• Avoid or minimize sun exposure between 10 am and 4 pm when the sun’s rays are hottest.
• Be careful when the child is near water, sand, snow or concrete since these can reflect the sun and cause sunburn.
• The risk of sunburn during certain activities, such as water sports, is high.
• Clouds are not sufficiently protective against sunburn since the sun’s rays on a cloudy day may only be reduced by 20% to 40%.
• Seeking shade is somewhat helpful, but a child can still sunburn because light is scattered and reflected.

Protective clothing

• Clothes offer the simplest, and often most practical, sun protection.
• Tight weave clothing lets in less sunlight than a looser weave.
• Clothes that cover more of the body provide better protection.
• Consider dressing children in lightweight long pants and long-sleeved shirts if sunburns are possible.
• Rash guards or swimming clothes that cover the arms and chest can be helpful when children are playing in or near the water.
• Hats with bills or a 3 inch brim can be cooler and more comfortable than a bare head in the summer and can help shield the face, ears, neck and eyes.
• Don’t forget sunglasses!

Sunscreen

For children and teens:

• Sunscreen should be used any time a child spends time outdoors.
• Use sunscreen for sun protection, not as a reason to stay in the sun longer.
• Choose a sunscreen that states broad spectrum with a SPF of at least 15; SPFs of 15-30 work for most children, but 50 can be a good choice for a fair skinned child or infant. SPFs 70-100 do not likely offer any greater protection than 50.
• Use enough sunscreen to cover all exposed areas – especially the face, nose, ears, feet, hands and even backs of the knees. Each application should be 2 ounces of sunscreen (2 tablespoons) or more! Rub it in well!
• Apply sunscreen 15-30 minutes before the child goes out into the sun to allow time for the sunscreen to absorb.
• Reapply sunscreen every two hours. Remember that no sunscreen is waterproof or sweat-proof –reapply after a child swims, sweats or uses a towel.
• Lip balm with sunscreen will help protect a child’s lips from sunburn

For babies:

• Ideally, infants younger than 6 months should be kept out of direct sunlight.
• Infants should be dressed in cool, comfortable clothing with a tight weave and wear hats with brims.
• Babies do not sweat as well as big kids, so exposure to the heat of the sun may increase the risk of heatstroke and dehydration.
• Sunburn may occur easily because infant skin has less pigment than at any other time in life.
• Apply sunscreen on small areas, if needed.

In the overall theme of the behavior traffic light, the purpose of the yellow light is to help children understand that many important parts of life need to be thoroughly considered. Adults use yellow light words to send a message of “slow down.” When a person is using the yellow light in their behavior traffic light, he or she are aware, resilient and self-directed – healthy, safe and happy effects are predictable. Children need to become accustomed to life in the yellow zone.
Most of the thinking, feeling, and doing in life happens in the yellow zone. It is the opposite of the automobile traffic light. The signal moves from an extended green, to a brief yellow, with another transition to a long red. The yellow light highlights staying engaged by staying calm.

Healthy yellow light examples:

• “Ohhh…how do we sit on the chair?”
• “Hmmm…what is the rule when using the tablet?”
• “Yeah, that’s frustrating. What are you going to do?”

The above examples how to phrase yellow light communication so that it sounds as if you are sending the powerful message of “You can figure this out.” Notice that each of the phrases could have a slightly drawn out pace and a sing-song tone. These are also considered “strategic questions” – purposeful ways of stating a question so that it engages motivation. These types of techniques help reduce the possibility of a perceived threat that would start a fight, flight, or freeze response. But neither is it a simple matter of figuring out the obvious action in the situation. Yellow light emphasizes the “slow down” process so that children can focus on problem solving.

As a parent, you can role model this process by verbalizing your yellow light. When approaching a task, list three possible options to completing the task. Then, list the consequence of that option. Finally, discuss the decision you would make on the best-fit consequence. Over and over, children can be exposed to cause-and-effect, weighing of consequences, accurate perception of time, moral development, empathy, reasoning skills and more! Those “what if” scenarios help children internalize important life lessons.

Using the yellow light means a person is purposefully checking what is happening in his or her thoughts. The person is checking the facts and challenging him or herself for accurate perceptions and helpful conclusions. The person becomes aware of his or her feelings – like a thermometer reading, a person checks the intensity and determines whether he or she can cope. Yellow light also signals a review of the menu of actions that could accompany the thinking and feeling. These all work together and slowing down helps ensure that the person is completely reviewing all options.
Red lights are quick, “Stop!” Green lights are quick, “Go!” Yellow lights tell us, “Slow: proceed with caution.” All three are important for the development of happy, healthy and safe children.

According to the 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, you need to do two types of physical activity each week to improve your health – aerobic and muscle-strengthening. Adults need at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity per week and strength-training activities on two days of the week. With summer upon us, in order to avoid heat related illness, it is important to follow safety guidelines while exercising in the heat.

Avoid exercising during the hottest part of the day from 10 am – 3 pm. The risk of heat exhaustion rises as the heat index climbs above 90.
Drink water before, during and after your workout. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, you should drink 4 – 16 ounces of fluids every 15 – 20 minutes during your workout. If you are working out more than an hour, you may need to hydrate with an electrolyte solution. Drink water often, even if you don’t feel thirsty, to avoid heat exhaustion.

Wear sunscreen and exercise in the shade if possible.

Wear light-colored, breathable clothing. You may want to wear clothing that actually wicks the moisture (sweat) away from your skin which can help make you more comfortable. Sweating is the body’s way of regulating your temperature. If you or someone else should stop sweating while exercising in the heat, experience nausea or vomiting, feel light headed or dizzy, seek immediate medical attention as you may be experiencing a heat stroke.

If you suspect someone is having a heat stroke – which is a life threatening condition – move the individual to a shady place if possible, and you may want to remove some clothing to make them feel relaxed. Pouring cold water on the person’s body may help in reducing heat. If you have water or electrolyte fluid on hand, get him or her to drink what they can as long as they are conscious.

By following the suggested guidelines you can still exercise safely in the summer months. So why not exercise first thing in the morning for safety’s sake and have the rest of the day to yourself?

Relaxation skills are vital for good mental health. For children, it's important that they learn to master these skills at a young age. Not only is practicing these skills important, but the long term benefits help children build resiliency to face challenges. The ability to stay calm during a stressful situation is a lifelong effort.

Several railroad tracks roam like rivers in southwest Missouri. Many times throughout each day, I hear a distant whistle or rumbling along the tracks. As a practical measure, I try to use that noise as a cue to stop, take a mental rest and listen during one of those opportunities. I am also one to sit at the guard gates and actually rest as the train rolls by. In my porch rocking chair, I close my eyes and focus on the sounds. Once, I wondered how beneficial “listening for the train” might become for my young grand-daughter. 

She was not aware of the sound when I first introduced it – which is precisely the point! I wanted to bring it into her awareness and help her utilize the new experience as a possible relaxation technique. I began by reading books that included trains, with an emphasis on the sound of a train whistle. Then, while we were outside, it was inevitable that we would soon hear the sound of the train. A whispered “Listen!” sparked her curiosity. In rhythm with the train’s whistle, I would say train and make my own whistle noise – the one she was familiar with. Soon, she began to say the word “train,” too.

We continued this exercise often with smiles, some caring physical touch and shared emotions – from curiosity, to joy when it’s time to “listen” and gratitude for the chance. The books were still relevant, but I noticed she was looking for more details than the pictures. Rather, we moved towards actual experiences to reinforce the relaxation benefits of listening for the train. At home, we would stop and cuddle in a sitting position when either one of us would call attention to a “train” during our time together. Our typical routine included a few conscious, deep breaths. In the car, she could see the big machines as we passed by and would experiment with her own whistle sounds to represent the train. Other times, we made sure to wave and thank the trains for being our friends.

These relaxation skills can be simple in technique, but powerful in the benefits they provide. The simplicity helps to maximize an ordinary opportunity to purposely calm down. Children and parents alike face stressors in daily life – build the capacity to find solutions by investing during the relaxed moments.

Hydration is gaining attention. We are learning water has so much to do with effective electrical and chemical processes in the body. For instance, our brains central nervous systems rely on healthy neurons to send messages about thinking, feeling and doing. Cortisol, or stress hormones, can deplete the body of necessary sodium. In addition, too much stress impairs sleep and sets off another bodily-health domino effect. Sufficient amounts of water are vital to helping govern those nerve impulses. Drinking water can become not only a game, but a way to get some relaxation time in! Here are some ideas:

How long can you hold it? Children love doable challenges such as this challenge. Children simply take turns over the course of a few minutes by drinking small amounts of water and holding it on the tongue. The slow, purposeful effort helps activate parts of the brain that use the activity to reinforce awareness and managed effort. Don’t forget to follow the short spurts with the “celebration” of drinking the whole cup! An exercise such as this helps get more water in the body as well as handling frustration.

Silly, silly. Having the name brand silly straw or a simple plain straw is irrelevant during this technique. Remember, these ideas are really about encouraging drinking water and using water to help learn calming techniques. Preparation may begin by marking specific points along the straw – four or five marks are plenty. Then have the child go through various challenges to see if he or she can suck the water up to the specific point the adult calls out, and hold it there. Once the child can hold it there for a count of three, they can swallow. This process repeats over and over until the water is gone. Two or three minutes will be plenty of time for calm. Don’t forget to follow the short spurts with the “celebration” of drinking the whole cup!

Chill out. When making ice cubes, place little bits of fruit or other healthy treats in the water. As the child takes drinks from the cup with the special melting ice, the fruit will slowly be released into the mix. It will serve as the treat for completing the drink. Interestingly, children will often “chase” the ice cube with the treat in it. The secondary benefit of this water drinking technique is reinforcing sustaining attention to detail. What does the brain get for this effort? A treat and feel-good, calming hormones in the brain.

Be your own hero. Special colored and character decorated water bottles can be enticing to purchase as a way for a child to feel happy about drinking water. However, strategically noticing the favored and “hero” characters on existing cups and bottles can serve as a lead into turning the attention to the child. Using an existing cup or bottle in the home, decorate it as the child’s own hero cup. You can decorate inexpensive cups or left over water bottles which are recyclable and then easily replaced with the newer model. Reinforce drinking amounts of water by cheering “The 32 ounce hero!” or “The 32 ounce explorer!” Through this activity, the child gets the double benefit of drinking the water and conducting a creative project, which helps the mind relax.

I recently received a reminder that life doesn’t always follow the plans we make. I was recently diagnosed with cervical radiculopathy. Cervical radiculopathy, as defined by WebMD, is the damage or disturbance of nerve function that results when one of the nerve roots near the cervical vertebrae is compressed. Damage to nerve roots in the cervical area can cause pain and the loss of sensation along the nerve's pathway into the arm and hand, depending on where the damaged roots are located.

Fortunately, I can be treated with physical therapy instead of surgery at this time. However, I planned to train this summer to complete a century (100 mile) bike ride in August with a group of women. Unfortunately, due to my diagnosis, that goal will have to be put on hold. So, if you are also sidelined, try these ideas this summer (with your physician’s permission) to stay healthy and fit while you recover.

• Walk briskly for 30 minutes, three to five days a week
• Visit the farmers market weekly and fix a meal using a fruit or vegetable you haven’t tried before
• Consume at least 64 ounces of water daily, and more as temperatures rise above 90 degrees
• Stretch major muscle groups at least two to three times a week
• Meditate daily and reflect on your blessings
• Volunteer to help at a summer event and cheer on the participants

Remember: you may be facing or have faced a challenge in the past, but you are not defeated. Allow yourself time to recover, set new goals and rise above the challenge. Wishing you a safe and relaxing summer!

Sometimes when we become injured, we still have symptoms months down the road even if we have allowed time for healing. This is a very common issue that can happen when nerves around an injury become irritated. At this point, it’s no longer the original injured tissues that need to heal, but rather the surrounding nerves. Ask anyone who has ever had sciatica (pain radiating from the buttock down the back of the leg) – it can seem to take forever to heal! Why is this? Unlike other injured tissues in the body, nerves can often be stubborn and difficult to calm down. Knowing what nerves need for healing is important for understanding how to treat many injuries that linger. 

A common misconception is that if something hurts, you should stretch it. When it comes to nerve-related pain, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The nerves in the human body are estimated to take up 2% of your total body mass. To function properly, these nerves require 20-25% of the total volume of blood your heart pumps. You can think of nerves as blood sponges – they need a lot of blood! When you stretch a nerve, you take away the blood flow, and nerves tend to get irritated when this happens. 

For example, one common injury that takes a long time to heal is a hamstring strain. When you look at an anatomy picture depicting the muscles on the back of the thigh, you see the different portions of the hamstring muscles and the sciatic nerve that runs right down the center. What do people typically do after they strain a hamstring? They stretch. If you overstretch the hamstring, you also take away blood flow from the sciatic nerve. Nerves like blood the same way that humans like food. Take away someone’s food and the person may get slightly irritated. The same holds true for the sciatic nerve when you take away blood. The number-one thing that nerves need for healing is blood flow. 

Nerves also need to be able to move freely to heal. Think of nerves like dental floss – they need to be able to slide and glide easily through surrounding tissues. In the case of muscle strains, scar tissue commonly forms to promote healing. If the scar tissue interferes with movement of the surrounding nerves, they will be prone to irritation. This is often what happens in the case of nagging hamstring injuries that linger for months. 

What is the best way to help nerves get both the movement and blood flow they need for healing? “Tissue flossing” is a technique that we use a lot in physical therapy. This involves using your hands or a massage tool to “pin down” injured tissues while actively gliding and lengthening the underlying tissues you are pinning. This serves to both break up scar tissue and improve the slide and glide of underlying tissues. Working on these things can help restore nerves back to their “pre-irritated” state and help rid the body of injuries that just don’t want to go away.